Thursday, March 31, 2011

My reading for today

So the art/temperance card confused me so I will go back to that later

The 3 of swords which is my present card and represent a hard decision I had to make in the matters of the heart recently, This makes sense
The two of cups basically means love will be blossoming soon...yay

So back to the art card represents my past and indicates me standing between black and white. I'm not really sure how to interpret this. Maybe like I am now moving into a white period of relationships whereas before was new and ended up dark? Maybe making the choice to follow instinct over what I WANT will lead me to the white.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Intention

Ok, so my newest struggle is rituals. If it's all about intent and believing your intentions, then why do I need to light candles and pass things over smoke? If I truly believe things to be cleansed or the area to be cleansed just simply by really INTENDING it and willing it to happen, why invest in a million different colored candles and sage and other ritual tools?

Same for my tarot cards. Basically tarot is just like talking to a shrink. They suggest things or ask leading questions to help you come to the solution that you already had but didn't realize?

Jumbled

I feel so jumbled inside. I started down this pagan path about 2 weeks ago. Since then I have researched wicca, astaru, druids, shamans, crystals, auras, crystals, meditation etc etc. So much at once that I am kind of in a haze. I have been super exhausted lately. My house needs a good cleaning but I have been too busy researching and studying all of it I have put everything else to the side. I was hoping in all my research something would pop out at me and say “THIS IS PERFECT FOR YOU” or “this is your path” and nothing has.
I feel a strong pull towards healing, but I feel I need more substance, more background knowledge of the body and different aspects of it to go down this path. I need more of a firm hold on who I am and what I believe before I would ever benefit anyone else.
Tonight I am hiding the tarot crads and crystals and I am cleaning my damn house. This is a good place to start…I need to unjumble my house then unjumble my head THEN it will leave room for things to peek in when needed *coughmydeitycough*

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tarot


My new beautiful tarot deck and archetype card.

360 view of Carson Valley from my work
 So I drive to work and see these huge snow covered mountains and hills around me and I think of mother eQarth and the turbulance that once happened to create thse mountains and I feel tiny and part of the earth. But then i walk into work and stare at a computer screen all day and write and answer phones. It bums me out to not be more connected more often. I need to start a garden but the weather has been so inconsistant lately I am afraid to.

I downloaded a book today :


http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004K1F21M/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title
 

It talks about how to control empathy. It says it helps you to identify what your energy feels like so it can better help you to discern what your feelings are and when you are picking up others feelings. This is a good first step to controlling this "thing" I have had all my life. Hopefully that will help to also stabilize my mind.

 Also, I have been feeling random bouts of warmth and comfort, like someone is telling me they are watching over me and I am safe. It comes and goes, and I dont know who or what it comes from, or if it's even a "someone" that it comes from or just inner peace. I hope to be able to control and stabalize it so I can use this feeling when I need it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sunday

So today was...trying.

Did some chakra clearing with some friends in a guided meditative way. We all discussed what we felt after. Then we ate and did some crafty stuff.

I got to see my friends crystal collection, and got a free tigers eye out of the deal :)

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Deity

So I am having issues finding my diety.



Finding your deity is all based off of faith, and faith is based ff of FEELING. You can't see your deity but you feel they are real. I have grown up not trusting my feelings. I was empathic, always feeling things from others but was always told I was just emotional. So I learned to not trust my feelings and only trust what I could see, hear, touch and smell. Now I have to make the distinction between physical feeling and emotional feeling. I am talking emotional feeling...things you cant feel with your fingers and your nerves, but ones that pass through your brain and your conscious.

I am trying really hard to fall back into what I call the "fluffy world" the one you feel with your head, not your hands. I am trying to let myself be ok with thinking things are just in my head. If I envision myself absorbing energy and I get goosebumps, that is enough of a cue to me to know it's real. If I can SEE the aura of white energy flowing off rocks and people, that is enough to KNOW theres something there that I have never seen or aknowledged before.

Now a deity is a whole different ball game. Feeling energy and seeing auras has nothing to do with trust. Believing a deity is all about trust. You trust them to watch over you, protect you, and in turn you appreciate and acknowledge them.

I was meditating yesterday and asking who my deity was and how I could trust him/her. A vision of a woman with long wavy red hair and blue eyes came into my head. Thats all I got, no name...no answers, just a picture in my head. I googled this and found Brigit, but I don't know yet if this is who called to me. I need to give it more time. I think my deity would be water and moon related as the crystals I am drawn to are mainly water element crystals and I am drawn to the moon.

I also need to learn to trust. This will be the hardest for me.

Ostara flowers


These are the flowers I got to plant for ostara. Unfortunately the next day we got a few inches of snow..so they are waiting to go outside.

Obsidian



Carnelian





Petrified Wood



Rhodochrosite





Montana Drusy





Garnet



Azurite






The lady I bought this from had mined them herself in Arizona. She said she had them for 20 years and was hesitant to sell them.

Leopard Skin Agate



Hematite

Chalcedony



Blue Calcite



Moss agate







Amber

Sulfur

Malachite

Tiger's Eye

Howlite

Amethyst










Amethyst is my staple stone. I think I will end up with many peices of it. It meshes with my vibration so much so, that since I have bought my first amethyst I havent been without one at all times. This particular crystal calls to me, it begs to be around me. I think it will be crucial for any crystal works I do in the future

Moonstone

Ulexite







Amazonite





Amazonite is my SOUL STONE. This one I can hold and feel the depth of. I feel like I can fall into this one and it can catch anything I throw at it. I have seen the polished and the raw . This particular one has infusions of smokey quartz, albite and mica in it. It's truly fascinating and the colors and shapes remind me of waves crashing on rocks. Side note though, the raw form is fragile, if you see a crack...don't try to help it along, it WILL crumble :D

Amethyst

Amethyst




This is my newest amethyst with gold crystals!