Friday, March 18, 2011

Empathy

So here is my obligitory first post.

I want to use this journal to chronical my observations/discoveries and questions about all the things I see and experience on the journey.

I am coming into this more scientifically than most. I have always been very grounded....but not grounded at the same time. I am empathic and never really knew what this meant or how to control it. I just...felt...everything. Emotions would overtake inside me and erupt. I would cry alot as a child..to the point of howling cries which my family would make fun of me for...but I just had SO MUCH emotion. They dubbed me "the emotional one". I never knew WHY I felt things harder and more than others. It seemed I always knew when someone was upset, but when i questioned them they would deny it...so then it transitioned into feeling crazy and insecure about my feelings and who I was.

It wasn't until I was about 24 that someone mentioned to me casually "yeah, you're empathic". My first reaction was to scoff this..and actual reason for my crazies? The whole first year I denied it but also researched it. I thought all the emotions I were feeling in crowded places were just plain ol anxiety, i figured everyone could read eachother like I could and I just didnt know how to handle it..it was my fault, and my burden. But I am still learning...that NOT everyone feels like I do. Most people, in fact, seem blindly oblivious to things that are glaringly obvious to me. As a child I just read it as insensitivity, but now I know..they don't DONT have it.

So back to why I am here, Now that I know what this is, I want to be able to CONTROL it. I need to learn how to block it when need be or compartmentalize it. How to utilize it to help others and myself.

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