Saturday, March 26, 2011

Deity

So I am having issues finding my diety.



Finding your deity is all based off of faith, and faith is based ff of FEELING. You can't see your deity but you feel they are real. I have grown up not trusting my feelings. I was empathic, always feeling things from others but was always told I was just emotional. So I learned to not trust my feelings and only trust what I could see, hear, touch and smell. Now I have to make the distinction between physical feeling and emotional feeling. I am talking emotional feeling...things you cant feel with your fingers and your nerves, but ones that pass through your brain and your conscious.

I am trying really hard to fall back into what I call the "fluffy world" the one you feel with your head, not your hands. I am trying to let myself be ok with thinking things are just in my head. If I envision myself absorbing energy and I get goosebumps, that is enough of a cue to me to know it's real. If I can SEE the aura of white energy flowing off rocks and people, that is enough to KNOW theres something there that I have never seen or aknowledged before.

Now a deity is a whole different ball game. Feeling energy and seeing auras has nothing to do with trust. Believing a deity is all about trust. You trust them to watch over you, protect you, and in turn you appreciate and acknowledge them.

I was meditating yesterday and asking who my deity was and how I could trust him/her. A vision of a woman with long wavy red hair and blue eyes came into my head. Thats all I got, no name...no answers, just a picture in my head. I googled this and found Brigit, but I don't know yet if this is who called to me. I need to give it more time. I think my deity would be water and moon related as the crystals I am drawn to are mainly water element crystals and I am drawn to the moon.

I also need to learn to trust. This will be the hardest for me.

2 comments:

  1. Just be yourself and do the things that come natural; your god or gods will find you when you are both ready.

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  2. From the viewpoint of a physical red hair woman with blue eyes ;)

    ...I can very much relate to your empathic experiences. I too pick up on the feelings and emotions of others, many times experiencing them first as my own -- only to realize "hey, this isn't ME that's upset, it's so-and-so!"

    And, like you, I struggled to trust in my instincts and reactions because of the empathy. I was sort of able to "trick" myself by seeing my gods through cyclical, tangible objects-- the Sun and Moon.

    It's reassuring to me that I can look up to see the god and godess as a physical presence in my world -- knowing all the while that I don't simply worship a planetary object. There's more depth to it. The sun and moon are merely symbols of the greater source of love and light that I connect with daily.

    Sorry for the lengthy comment! I wish you the best in this journey to find your gods.

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