Sunday, April 10, 2011

From my father..

So I did something new with tarot today. I asked the deck to give me a card...a message from my dad who passed in 2003. I have never thought of utilizing tarot in this way. The card I pulled brough tears to my eyes:

Sundays pull-love/life

This couldnt be a more perfect pull for me. The inversed 2 of cups reminds me to back up from my emotions in a relationship. To not focus so much on the other person and their needs and emotions and focus more on myself and my needs.

Then immediately following that is the 5 of swords, which basically is telling me the same thing. Focus on myself and my needs.

Friday, April 8, 2011


It hit me today, what my beliefs are. I believe there is a God, an omnipresent being, a deity...whatever you want to call him/her. It exists. My problem is doctrine. I take no merit in the bible. It was written by mortal men like you and me...altered and changed throughout time to reflect the beliefs of the powers back in a time much different than ours. Rules that the powers wanted were written into a doctrine, passed on as words of a make people have more merit in them. When, in the end...all they are is stories. Not that the bible doeskin have it's place in fine literature as far as a general moral compass (should you need one). But I feel the morals in it are just that, stories...

I don't need a bible to tell me that hurting people is bad, that breaking hearts and sleeping around is generally a crappy and slutty thing to do. I know in my heart and am guided by my intuition what is right and wrong. Some of the things I see people who DO actually believe in the bible and doctrine are so so far out of my scope of moral or right it boggles my mind. Surely simply saying you believe in a doctrine doesn't make you a better person, so neither does NOT believing in it make you a worse person.

This is also the reason I had a problem finding a "deity". As most Gods and Goddesses were created from stories and myths. Of grandiose beings who conquered and comforted, healed and created in a world we can't fathom. Some people can draw from the individual strengths they supposedly hold, but not me. I cant put my faith in storybook characters or ideals. I can only follow what I feel and know to be true in my heart.

So "God" it is.


Love/future/compatability spread

4/7 love pull

Squeee! This is a great pull for a love question

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Today's tarot of the day

My card today is the devil. This makes sense for me as I have entered into what seems might be a new relationship and I have a tendency to get obsessive in this phase of newness. I was actually already fully aware of my tendencies and attempting to temper and even out my emotions. Perhaps this card is just letting me know I am on the right path?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Tarot 101

I have started a Tarot 101 class at The Balanced Witch. The class is based off of the book Tarot 101: Mastering the Art of Reading the Cards


Exercise 1.1 I had to skip as it asked a question from the book which I don't have yet.


Exercise 1.2:
What do you think Tarot can do for you?

Without judging your answers or thinking they are shallow, give yourself a couple of minutes to jot them down in your journal.  When you are ready, look through them and digest what you have written.

My answer: 
I think of Tarot more as a random guiding system to make you pick up on things you didn't think of.


Exercise 1.3:
What are your reasons for taking this Tarot 101 class?  Use this answer to create a Mission Statement to lead you going forward.

My answer: 
I am taking this class to learn the different techniques of reading tarot, the multifaceted meanings of the pictures, symbols and symbolism contained in the pictures and how to take the info that is laid in front of me to come up with a conclusion of what the cards are leading me to understand.

Optional Exercise:
If you already have your Tarot deck, choose a couple cards out of there that you really connect with and lay them down in front of you.

What are some symbols on these cards that stand out to you?  What do these symbols mean to you?

My Answer:

Pour water on thyself thus shalt thou be a Fountain to the Universe. Find thou thyself in every Star. Achieve thou every possibility.
Hope, unexpected help, clearness of vision, realization of possibilities, spiritual insight, with bad aspects, error of judgment, dreaminess, disappointment.
The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised.
This card is the one that drew me in the most. The beautiful blue and purple tones and the flowingness mesh with my watery type personalty. It seems calm sand serene to me
The Two of Cups is the Lord of Love, which performs a similar office for water.
The Two of Cups is a great indicator of love and happiness.
The art of this one drew me in as well. The water flowing from the lotus blossom and from the fish, I just think it's beautiful. This card shows the symbol for female and seems comforting to me.
This is the Harmony of the Universe, that Love unites the Will to create with the Understanding of that Creation: understand thou thine own Will. Love and let love. Rejoice in every shape of love, and get thy rapture and thy nourishment thereof Love, beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, completion, good fortune, graciousness, elegance, luxury, idleness, dissipation debauchery, friendship, gentleness, delight. This card has the flower in her hand, the swan at the bottom left and a shield with two white birds facing each other. It contains two moons with their circular auras.I associate with the moon, it is motherly and comforting to me. It seems like the common ground of these hope and love. They all involve a female presence.

Today's tarot

Thursday, March 31, 2011

My reading for today

So the art/temperance card confused me so I will go back to that later

The 3 of swords which is my present card and represent a hard decision I had to make in the matters of the heart recently, This makes sense
The two of cups basically means love will be blossoming soon...yay

So back to the art card represents my past and indicates me standing between black and white. I'm not really sure how to interpret this. Maybe like I am now moving into a white period of relationships whereas before was new and ended up dark? Maybe making the choice to follow instinct over what I WANT will lead me to the white.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Ok, so my newest struggle is rituals. If it's all about intent and believing your intentions, then why do I need to light candles and pass things over smoke? If I truly believe things to be cleansed or the area to be cleansed just simply by really INTENDING it and willing it to happen, why invest in a million different colored candles and sage and other ritual tools?

Same for my tarot cards. Basically tarot is just like talking to a shrink. They suggest things or ask leading questions to help you come to the solution that you already had but didn't realize?


I feel so jumbled inside. I started down this pagan path about 2 weeks ago. Since then I have researched wicca, astaru, druids, shamans, crystals, auras, crystals, meditation etc etc. So much at once that I am kind of in a haze. I have been super exhausted lately. My house needs a good cleaning but I have been too busy researching and studying all of it I have put everything else to the side. I was hoping in all my research something would pop out at me and say “THIS IS PERFECT FOR YOU” or “this is your path” and nothing has.
I feel a strong pull towards healing, but I feel I need more substance, more background knowledge of the body and different aspects of it to go down this path. I need more of a firm hold on who I am and what I believe before I would ever benefit anyone else.
Tonight I am hiding the tarot crads and crystals and I am cleaning my damn house. This is a good place to start…I need to unjumble my house then unjumble my head THEN it will leave room for things to peek in when needed *coughmydeitycough*

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


My new beautiful tarot deck and archetype card.

360 view of Carson Valley from my work
 So I drive to work and see these huge snow covered mountains and hills around me and I think of mother eQarth and the turbulance that once happened to create thse mountains and I feel tiny and part of the earth. But then i walk into work and stare at a computer screen all day and write and answer phones. It bums me out to not be more connected more often. I need to start a garden but the weather has been so inconsistant lately I am afraid to.

I downloaded a book today :

It talks about how to control empathy. It says it helps you to identify what your energy feels like so it can better help you to discern what your feelings are and when you are picking up others feelings. This is a good first step to controlling this "thing" I have had all my life. Hopefully that will help to also stabilize my mind.

 Also, I have been feeling random bouts of warmth and comfort, like someone is telling me they are watching over me and I am safe. It comes and goes, and I dont know who or what it comes from, or if it's even a "someone" that it comes from or just inner peace. I hope to be able to control and stabalize it so I can use this feeling when I need it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


So today was...trying.

Did some chakra clearing with some friends in a guided meditative way. We all discussed what we felt after. Then we ate and did some crafty stuff.

I got to see my friends crystal collection, and got a free tigers eye out of the deal :)

Saturday, March 26, 2011


So I am having issues finding my diety.

Finding your deity is all based off of faith, and faith is based ff of FEELING. You can't see your deity but you feel they are real. I have grown up not trusting my feelings. I was empathic, always feeling things from others but was always told I was just emotional. So I learned to not trust my feelings and only trust what I could see, hear, touch and smell. Now I have to make the distinction between physical feeling and emotional feeling. I am talking emotional feeling...things you cant feel with your fingers and your nerves, but ones that pass through your brain and your conscious.

I am trying really hard to fall back into what I call the "fluffy world" the one you feel with your head, not your hands. I am trying to let myself be ok with thinking things are just in my head. If I envision myself absorbing energy and I get goosebumps, that is enough of a cue to me to know it's real. If I can SEE the aura of white energy flowing off rocks and people, that is enough to KNOW theres something there that I have never seen or aknowledged before.

Now a deity is a whole different ball game. Feeling energy and seeing auras has nothing to do with trust. Believing a deity is all about trust. You trust them to watch over you, protect you, and in turn you appreciate and acknowledge them.

I was meditating yesterday and asking who my deity was and how I could trust him/her. A vision of a woman with long wavy red hair and blue eyes came into my head. Thats all I got, no answers, just a picture in my head. I googled this and found Brigit, but I don't know yet if this is who called to me. I need to give it more time. I think my deity would be water and moon related as the crystals I am drawn to are mainly water element crystals and I am drawn to the moon.

I also need to learn to trust. This will be the hardest for me.

Ostara flowers

These are the flowers I got to plant for ostara. Unfortunately the next day we got a few inches of they are waiting to go outside.



Petrified Wood


Montana Drusy



The lady I bought this from had mined them herself in Arizona. She said she had them for 20 years and was hesitant to sell them.

Leopard Skin Agate



Blue Calcite

Moss agate




Tiger's Eye